My Dream House
One place that always we wait is
house. In the house we can do anything. House is a place which can protect us
from bad weather situations. It is also a place to relax our mind and body when
we feel tired with all our activities. All people want to have a good house
located in the peace place and has complete facilities.
I have dream about my favorite
house. My dream house is located in the village. Why I choose it because I like
to see the view of rice field with the mountain and the river. I want to see
and live in the natural environment around me. I also think about air and water
pollution, in my dream house I can find green and fresh water. It is very
different if we live in the big city which has high air and water pollution. So
we can’t find peace in that place.
Although my dream house is in the
village, it doesn’t mean that my rooms, my furniture and my garden are not
modern. I want to have 5 rooms in my dream house. One room is living room and
kitchen. 2 rooms are for my children and me. I like to be simple person so the
bathroom located in the corner of my house, and the last room is for relaxing
and refreshing my mind. The last room must direct to the rice field, so that I
can see the nice view of it. The last room can be my garden which has beautiful
flower and small pond. To make access to the other place I want to add the
modern facilities in my dream house’s such as likes vehicle and internet
access. Beside that my rooms furniture are television, phone, internet access
and air conditioner. It can make my feeling feel modern although I live in the
village.
House is very important to complete
my life. Because of that all people want to have their dream house. to find it
is not easy. We need to think about the location and facilities in supporting
it to make complete and good. The more important to find it is how can we feel
relax and comfortable to stay in that place. This must be a place which can
give us peace when we have some problems in our life.
i think you should used word of" the last" just one times because it word means that something finally(third paragraph, 4 and 5 sentences). thank you
BalasHapusfor me, your writing is interesting.
BalasHapusbut I think when you write on the formal situation you should not allow to short cut your words.
example: I am, not I'm
Does not, not doesn't.
thank you.
i think your writing is good enough..
BalasHapusyour organization of ideas and structure of your writing are good
your thesis statement already related each other for whole paragraph
but, i think you should reconsider about placing an aposthrope in line 7 at third paragraph because i think it is no need to place it.
Guna, I just want to recommend that the first sentence in the second paragraph is more appropriate to place in the first paragraph because I think you have to put a statement in the introduction which drives your idea to the next paragraph.
BalasHapusOverall, your writing is nice :)
thank you all my friend.
BalasHapusi really need your comment to make better my writing.
God bless you all,,(y)
Guna, I think the content is good and I understand about your dream house, but you should be pay attention about capital letter, comma, and drop. Maybe you can use 5 and 2 become five and two in order more beautiful in your writing. You also put because after drop I think is wrong sentence. You can see in paragraph four “House is very important to complete my life. Because of all that all people want to have their dream house. to find it is not easy”. I think this is correct sentence "House is very important to complete my life because of all that all people want to have their dream house. So, it is not easy to find". And I think also still many sentence must be correct. Importantly, you must be more careful when you write.
BalasHapusOverall, your writing is good...:)
I think your description about your dream house is very interesting. i can imagine your dream house. it's so beautiful and very comfortable to me. if I were you, I just need to add room theater for watching movie with my friends and my family.
BalasHapusif you can realized your dream house you may invite me and my family to see your dream house. I hope someday you can realized your dream :* :p
Well ..............god job Guna. I really like your writing. I also want to have a beautiful house in the village which have beautiful panorama. Actually your writing is good but I also have comments to improve your writing :) . First, you can use the words good environment to replace the words peace place if you like. Second, I do not understand with the sentence "I also think about air and water pollution, in my dream house I can find green and fresh water". May be you can use" I will not see the water and air pollution again because I live in the house which provide the green trees and fresh water. Third you may have an extra attention to start the sentence. Sometimes you start the sentence with the word "To" for example in the eight sentence (third paragraph) you write "To make access to the other place I want to add the modern facilities in my dream house’s such as likes vehicle and internet access". You cannot use the word beside in the first sentence. For example in the nine sentence (third paragraph). Well I hope we can study together to improve our writing better
BalasHapus